


Change of Heart

by orphan_account



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-11
Updated: 2010-08-11
Packaged: 2017-11-14 05:47:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/511972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aang and Zuko reflect upon the upcoming war, and come to realize that they aren't so different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change of Heart

There were times where Aang thought his life would be reasonably normal after the war, granted he survived. Peace would be restored throughout nations, the smiles would be put back on everyone's faces, and best of all he and his friends would get to live lives surrounded less by fear and hatred and more by love, like he had before he learned of his status as avatar. Aang wanted that. He wanted the Earth Kingdom to be freed. He wanted the Fire Lord's reign of terror to come to an end. He wanted Katara and Sokka to live happily with their father again, and for Toph to be able to prove herself a master of combat and earthbending, rather than just a blind girl that hid her true self from her parents. He wanted Zuko to find peace with his decision to join their side, despite their team's initial distrust in him.

Those weren't just wants, but they were also needs. Aang would make the needs of his friends and his nation and the world a reality, or he would die trying. That was his responsibility as the avatar, yet he always had to wonder if he had what it took to make all of that a reality. So far he had failed to prevent the fall of Ba Sing Se, encased himself in ice a hundred years ago while his people were slain. So many failures, all of which caused the people a great deal of pain, and cost many others their lives. Falling asleep at night was never easy knowing that he just didn't have what it took to prevent all of those tragedies. All he had left was to focus on the present, and to never fail again, because his every failure cost him precious lives. He wasn't as wise as Avatar Roku, or as sharp as Avatar Kiyoshi. What he had was their wisdom and their memories, but he wasn't them. He didn't know how to be as great as they were. What it all boiled down to was that he really didn't know how he was going to do what he was destined to do. The Fire Lord had to be stopped.

Aang buried his forehead in his arms and sighed. He thought the sound of waves by the beach would do something, anything to calm the torrent of negativity pounding through his thoughts, but it was just no good. Usually in times like this he would pan his thoughts over to Katara, the girl that he loved. Well, she wasn't quite ready to accept his feelings, or explore her own, granted she had any. He was certain that she had. She allowed him to kiss her those two times, and she held him in her arms a lot. Even when they were on the go she managed to smell nice, and look nice, and be just the greatest and most amazing girl on two legs. She was the only girl he had ever wanted, and for the longest time he was just too shy to admit that. Something about facing what could be the last days of his life really pumped up his courage, and he wanted her to know exactly how he felt, but she ran out on him. Perhaps he came on too strong, made the mistake of thinking a kiss could make everything clear when really it just tossed everything into a haze. Not just her feelings, but his own.

His crush on Katara was an on and off one, and lately it had been at its highest ever. After the war, granted he survived, he wanted a home. He wanted to be beside someone whose arms were his home, as he hadn't one of his own to return to anymore. It seemed inevitable that his home would be with Katara, but even that was thrown into question. Did he love her for her, or as the girl who held and comforted him through every tragedy? And if his feelings weren't confusing enough, hers were a labyrinth. He just didn't know what was on her mind, or in her heart. He thought he knew, and he thought wrong. It was possible that he would have a home with her and Sokka after the war, just not the one that he dreamed of.

"What are you doing hanging around out here?" said Zuko, heading down toward the beach where Aang was. He could hear the footfalls of his friend from a distance before he said anything, and part of him hoped that it was Katara come to warm and comfort him so he could ease his mind, but he knew. He knew that she wanted her distance, and that those steps were too heavy to be hers anyway. Sometimes having the ability to listen to the earth was a nuisance, but he'd get his butt kicked if Toph ever found out that he felt that way. The sound of water and earth did nothing to comfort him. Maybe it was time for Zuko to start hurling fireballs at him. That was always fun.

"I can't sleep. The cricketmoths are chirping too loud," said Aang, laying back against the cold sand. A fireball from Zuko sounded good just about then, because now more than just his rear end was chilly.

"Funny, all I hear are waves," said Zuko, taking a seat beside Aang. So he wasn't in the mood to put up a fight. That was too bad, because Aang wasn't in the mood to talk or think or do anything other than cast away his doubts. If he didn't keep his chin up and himself focused he was going to wind up dead. Then he would have really failed the world, and he had no business doing that. There was no other way to look but forward, but that was easier said than done.

"So what are you doing up?" said Aang, picking himself back up. He felt restless, and a sudden serge of energy was pounding through his veins. He wasn't just full of doubts. He was also tense, unfocused, and way too nervous. It wouldn't be long before the final showdown, and the thought of his adventure coming to an end so soon didn't seem real to him. He felt like he was just getting to know his friends so much more, especially Zuko, whom he hardly got to know as a friend at all. If they didn't win they would likely all be killed. "To tell the truth, I'm up because I can't stop thinking."

"You took the words right out of my mouth." Zuko traced little nothings in the sand with his finger, then he turned his face toward Aang and smiled. "It's enough to make anyone crazy. Even the avatar."

"And especially the prince of the Fire Nation." Aang chuckled, though Zuko's smile disappeared and he went right back to concentrating on the sand. Zuko had to be one of the gloomiest guys Aang had ever met. He did his best to fit in with the crowd, sure, but it wouldn't hurt him to crack a genuine smile and keep it on his face every so often. Figures the one person that happens to be awake and happens to find him is one that can't even sort out his own feelings, let alone help anyone else feel better. Aang was tempted to initiate a fire-bending spar to channel his own inner turmoil, seeing as he couldn't think of any other way Zuko's presence would improve his mood, especially after the performance by the Ember Islands Players. Zuko and Katara, secret forbidden love. What kind of sick joke was that?

"Say, Zuko," said Aang, knowing exactly how silly this question was going to sound, but asked it anyway. "About Katara-hmm... "

"She still doesn't trust me?" Zuko seemed annoyed by his assumption, which caused Aang to swallow a growing lump in his throat. It didn't seem likely, or even possible that anything could be going on between Zuko and Katara, though if Aang learned anything from this crazy journey it was that nothing was impossible. The capture of Ba Sing Se didn't seem possible either, but look what happened. 

"I'm not sure what else to do," said Zuko. "I'm doing all I can for you guys."

"I know, I know, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm sure that she trusts you, likes you even-" Aang clamped his hands over his mouth, groaned, and sighed. "What I'm saying, asking, well-"

"Well what?" Zuko didn't seem to be following where Aang was going with his little ramble. "Well?"

"I'm thinking! Can't you let me think?" Startled by Aang's outburst, Zuko put his hands up and told him to take it easy. Aang apologized and tried to gather his words, but there was no way he could arrange them feasibly without making himself seem possessive. He loved Katara, but if by some crazy chance she and Zuko had something going on, Aang didn't want to, well, didn't have the right to get in the way of that. It was difficult to swallow, but he absolutely needed to know. "Do you have feelings for her? Katara?"

"What?" Zuko smacked his forehead and laughed out loud. Aang was tempted to slap himself and Zuko. It was obviously a dumb question, yet he couldn't quite shake the feeling that it might be true. Again, anything was possible. "Don't tell me you took that stupid play seriously!"

"I was just checking." It was Aang's turn to look away, and he lent his chin up against his folded arms. "Because I do."

"Oh."

Oh? Was that all there was to it? That "Oh" said everything. Aang's crazy suspicions really were just crazy suspicions, but Zuko could have at least acted like he cared. Sure, it wasn't related to the end of the world or anything, but it would be nice if someone considered Aang's feelings along with his duties every so often. It wasn't every day that he fell in love with a girl, and being rejected, well, hurt.

"She's been on my mind so much lately, I guess I thought she and I would end up being together, but I guess I'm just-I don't know."

"A committed fool?" Zuko intervened.

"What's that supposed to mean?" said Aang, a well of irritation springing up. He knew he was a fool, but did Zuko really have to point it out every chance he got?

"You and I and the rest of the team are dedicated to stopping my father. It's important that we do everything we can to stop him. You could be killed, so could I, and even Katara could-"

"I won't let it happen!" Aang threw open his arms and a burst of air sent sand and debris flying all over the place. Zuko shielded his eyes from the outburst, and figured that his uncle must have been happy Zuko wasn't an airbender when he couldn't control his own temper. It wasn't long before Aang realized that his outburst didn't take an ounce of truth out of Zuko's words, so when he sat back down Zuko continued to speak.

"The point I was trying to make before is that we're all too busy fighting. I had to leave my girlfriend behind to join your cause. She ended up coming through for us in the end, but Azula won't forgive her. For all I know, Mai could... "

Zuko couldn't finish. At that point his own monologue was upsetting him more than it had Aang. He was trying to accept everything that happened, prepare himself for the worst. Azula was a beast, Ozai's pet monster. It was unbearable to think of all the lives that were lost just by her hands, and turning against her must have dire consequences. Zuko was lucky to have a girlfriend so devoted to him that she'd risk her own life for him and his cause. Then again, maybe it wasn't so lucky. Zuko was absolutely right. Katara was in the same shoes. She was on a very distinct side of this war, fighting as hard as any of them. It was possible that her life would be lost, and that there was nothing he could do about it. Of all the subject matter Aang had chosen to avoid in his thoughts, this was the kicker. The death of Katara, of any of his friends really. But Katara. She was the one person Aang pictured having a long future with. A person he just couldn't imagine any other place but by his side.

The thing was, Katara currently was by his side. She wasn't dead, or imprisoned in the bowels of the Fire Nation. Katara was sound asleep in a room two minutes away from the shore. That Mai girl on the other hand. Zuko must have been worried sick about her, his uncle, and apparently his mom, who was nowhere to be found for quite a few years. It was possible that all of them had, or could, lose their lives. Zuko just didn't know, because they weren't by his side at the moment.

Aang was, though, and he appreciated the sacrifice Zuko made in order to join them. He didn't just leave his home and his family, but an entire world view. Everything he once knew was now something else entirely. He couldn't blame his comrades for initially being dubious about Zuko's change of heart, but Aang understood pretty quickly. The heart does change. As an air nomad he couldn't even begin to imagine a world ravaged by war and sorrow, and even if he could it just wasn't in his peaceful nature to lift a finger in war. He wanted no part of the violence and the chaos, but as soon as he was revealed as the avatar his entire world changed just like that. Not only was he treated differently, but he was going to be forced to think and feel differently than what he was accustomed to, and that upset him, so much so that he ran away from home. If that wasn't enough to change his life, then being frozen in an iceberg and waking a hundred years later in a completely different world was enough to put everything into perspective. Suddenly everything he once wanted and everything he once knew meant nothing. Perhaps Zuko had gone through the same thing. Perhaps he felt the same confusion and emptiness.

Perhaps he felt alone, just as alone as Aang did, and maybe that was why he had come out. They really weren't so different, were they? Aang always had a hunch that Zuko wasn't quite as bad as he seemed, mostly being consumed by rage and feeling entitled to his honor. He wasn't a bad person, though. He had many changes of heart, but the world was a twisted, confusing place sometimes. Sometimes it was better to just not question things.

"We have to make it out of this alive," said Aang, resting his hand on Zuko's shoulder. "We're no good to the future of this world dead."

"You're right," said Zuko. "I don't intend to throw my life away carelessly."

"I'm glad." Aang turned and wrapped his arms around Zuko in an awkward little hug that the prince didn't react to initially. It was almost as though he didn't know what a hug was, or why it was, but Aang felt like letting Zuko know that he wasn't alone.

END


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